Toward the end of life, many people turn introspective. They reflect on their lives—everything they’ve accomplished and all the love they’ve experienced—and are often in a very emotionally vulnerable place. If your loved one is on hospice, chances are they’re dealing with these feelings and may be looking for someone to share with. This is a great opportunity to have meaningful conversations with someone you care about.
These talks can be super important—not just for your loved one, but also for you and the rest of your family. They show your loved one that you care about them and honor their place in your family. Likewise, it gives you the chance to just be a son, daughter, or grandchild; you can step outside your role of being the caregiver and just listen to what they have to share without worrying about their comfort, medications, or nutrition.
While these conversations are powerful and can have a huge impact on your relationship with your loved one, you shouldn’t put too much pressure on yourself to make sure they happen. If your loved one doesn’t want to talk or is having trouble remembering or describing a memory, don’t pry or push harder (especially if they’re suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia); it can frustrate them and lower their confidence and self-esteem.
However, if it feels appropriate, we definitely encourage you to start asking questions and be willing to engage with them in conversation. Start slow, and ask your loved one some simple, basic questions. Here are 10 questions to get you started and open up a heartfelt, meaningful conversation.
- Can you tell me about the time…?
- What was your favorite childhood memory that you can recall?
- What do you think is your biggest success or accomplishment?
- What is something you still want to do or want to accomplish?
- What special memories do you have of your parents and grandparents?
- How did you and dad/mom meet? How did you know (s)he was the one?
- How are you feeling?
- What was the most rewarding and most challenging thing about raising children?
- What was your favorite family vacation?
- What’s one piece of advice or a life lesson you want me or your grandchildren to always remember?
These questions serve three purposes:
- Asking about a memory gives your loved one the opportunity to reflect. They might share a story you had never heard before or never knew held such significance to them. These questions—and their answers—can help build a lasting family legacy.
- Finding out what your loved one still wants to accomplish is a great reminder that they still have life to live. It’s a chance to potentially help fulfill their last wish and find peace with their journey. At Ardent, we partner with the No One Should Die Alone Foundation to help grant last wishes and bring hospice patients’ dreams to reality.
- Asking your loved one how they’re feeling—not just physically, but emotionally—gives them the opportunity to talk through their emotions and bring understanding to where they’re at in their life. It emphasizes the present.
If you’re finding it challenging to have these conversations, don’t hesitate to ask us for help. Our team at Ardent Hospice & Palliative Care is here to support you in any aspect of the hospice journey. Our social worker and spiritual counselor—even our nurses—can engage your family in an open discussion by helping to clarify family dynamics or break through emotional barriers.
To learn more about all the ways Ardent can support you through your loved one’s end-of-life journey, visit us online or call us at 559-408-5945.
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