When your loved one is nearing their end of life, it can be extremely difficult, stressful, and upsetting. There are many emotions you and your loved one may be feeling, and at Ardent Hospice & Palliative Care, we want you to know that we’re here for you every step of this hospice journey. You can always come to us with any questions, concerns, and uncertainties; we’re here to help you navigate this difficult time.
If your loved one is approaching their end of life, here are a few things to remember that may help you cope.
1. Help your loved one enjoy their last moments
Sometimes, when we visit a patient’s home, we find them in a dark, quiet (albeit tranquil) room. Families speak in hushed tones and grandchildren are told to keep it down. We understand the reasoning behind this. Of course you want your loved one to get their rest and not be in a stressful environment, but the fact is, these are their last moments and more often than not, they want to spend it being surrounded by their family. Let the kids play, sing, read aloud to their grandparent; laugh with your mom or dad; if they’re not on any dietary restrictions, give them their favorite food—even if it’s a bar of chocolate or a juicy steak! Don’t treat your loved one like they’re dying, help them enjoy the moments they have—you might make new memories you’ll treasure forever.
2. Ask for help when you need it
We want you to know that we’re here for you in any capacity you need us, so don’t be afraid to ask us for anything. If there’s something we can’t help you with, we’ll find you the answer or resource you need. Our team has varied backgrounds and experiences. We can help you with so many things and answer any of your questions—you simply have to ask.
Likewise, if people in your community are offering to help you, don’t dismiss their proposals as “just words.” We always tell our families to think about it like this: if you were in their shoes and offered to help someone in a difficult situation, would you mean it? When someone offers to go to the store for you or sit with your loved one while you run errands, accept their kindness and take them up on it. While you do have our help and support, sometimes that isn’t enough; no one expects you to deal with this all on your own, and it’s okay to ask for help when you need it.
3. Focus on the joyful memories
One thing we tell families as they’re going through this end-of-life journey is to not just focus on how your loved one is right now. Instead, focus on the joyful memories that you’ve made with your loved one and how full their life has been. Talk to your loved one and ask them questions; if they’re alert and oriented, you might be surprised at how much they share. Bring out the photo albums and watch old home movies. Help your loved one remember how great their life has been and show them how much you appreciate your time with them. Remember all the wonderful things you’ve done together as a family and the positive memories you have.
4. We’re not here to judge
When we’re in your (or your loved one’s) home, we’re there to take care of your loved one. We’re there to help you, not judge you. There have been so many times family members tell us they’re embarrassed at the state of their home. We know that this journey is difficult. We know that you’re stressed and your priorities are elsewhere. In no way do we care about how messy your home is; we care about you and your loved one. We’re solely focused on how we can support you.
5. We’re here for you even after your loved one passes
More than anything, we want you to remember that we’re still here for you after your loved one passes. You are still a part of our Ardent family and you can still lean on us or call us. We have bereavement support groups, and our social workers and chaplains continue to offer their support. Grief is still part of the journey your family is on, and we intend to keep walking with you.
There are some families whom we still keep in touch with for months and years after their loved one has passed. One woman in the Fresno area, had a husband pass. She was completely devastated. His death was unexpected and they had both just retired with so many plans on the horizon. Our social worker, Chrissy, was worried about her and wanted to help her through her grief, so she called her every week for a month. When Chrissy had seen that she was getting better, she started calling her once a month. The last time they spoke was a few weeks ago, and Chrissy says she heard a sing-song in her voice that wasn’t there before. We truly care about you and your family, and are here for you for as long as you need us.
To learn more about all the ways Ardent can walk with you through your loved one’s end-of-life journey, visit us online or call us at 559-408-5945.
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